too lazy to retype so this is a C/P from my lj.

So after X amount of years I finally write the words that most people have been holding their breath over.  It was hard. It is hard. I struggled with this chapter for a very very very long time. I don’t know that I have fretted so hard over any other chapter the way I did this one. Now I wade through aftermath and grief. And oddly enough I find myself also grieving.

It’s hard to write emotional stuff without getting emotionally invested in it as well. The sense of loss is remarkable.

It’s probably a goodly part of why I don’t want to go camping for a week, I want to finish the book, out over and done. I really need to write the words “The End” and walk away from it but I’m not quite there yet.

Need to tie up the loose ends and leave everyone in a place where they can move onwards with no cliffhangers ( I hate cliff hangers , don’t you?)

So instead of sitting in front of the computer as I have been for the last few weeks now, fretting and wrestling with words, reading, re-reading and rere-reading the same page over and over just to GET IT RIGHT I will head off to Sweden , throw on some medieval-ish clothing and step backwards in time. But my head is full of words so I will be doing the old fashioned thing and have a paper notebook with a pen at the ready.

And I will be taking this strange sorrow with me and it will probably make me seem pensive and peevish and I wouldn’t even know how to begin to explain that I am grieving with a fictional character for the loss of another fictional character.  When I started this journey I knew how it would end, I just didn’t get how it would make me feel.

So in case anyone wondered, this was a hard chapter to write and the rest that follows isn’t any easier.

just sayin’.
hankies nearby might be a good thing.

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